I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
