omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize