Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
