so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
