He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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