I think I won the penis lottery.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
