Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
