Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize