it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
