If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
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