I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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