We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
