There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
