I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
