i would punch a child for taco bell
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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