We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
