then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
