what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
