All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
