When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
