So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
