I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize