Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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