oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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