This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
