You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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