random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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