she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
