So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So apparently I’m into choking now
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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