How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
