do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Pants are for mortals
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
