no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
