I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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