sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
