Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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