Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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