so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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