Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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