somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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