maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
