Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You may now shotgun with the bride
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
