Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
