"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
