I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize