How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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