Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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