She announced her abortion via fbk
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
