This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I have demons in me.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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