Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
