I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
