can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just had sex on a roof
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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