Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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