Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
