it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
