as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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