Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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