new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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