spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
