No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
