She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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