hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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