I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
