Im at strip club and am horny
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
