Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
