I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Randomize
