Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
