Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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