these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
