I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
