you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize