Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
