My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
