I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
