i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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