Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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