She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
