sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
