Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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