Apparently you make a good broom.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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