Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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