we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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