Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
