So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize