I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
