it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
