Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
