where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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