NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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