look no pants
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
